“Are you even enjoying your time off?”
That phrase would rattle around in my mind, more than I’m sure my mother intended it to. I’ve always been a “worry wart” as my grandmother would say. It’s just in my nature to worry. So when I had to quit my job due to health reasons, it wasn’t a decision I made lightly.
I’ve been working since I was nearly 15, now 28 and unemployed I have no idea what to do with my time. When I’m resting my body, or unable to do certain things, I feel guilty. Like I haven’t earned my rest. Constantly proving myself to myself.
It was a night I was looking to my mother, someone who knows my inner thoughts better than I do, for reassurance that taking time off for my health was not synonymous with being lazy. It was then that she asked the question that I still can’t help but reflect on. Because in that moment it was more than enjoying my time off of work. In that moment I was no longer talking to my mother about taking some time off work, I was talking with the Father about enjoying my life. In that moment I wasn’t just worried about proving to myself that I deserved this time off work, but I was talking with the Father about how I wasted the majority of my life with worrying, with trying to prove myself.
Honestly I can’t even remember my answer to my mother’s question. It’s the question, the way it was worded that keeps jumbling around in my mind, uninvited. It’s that simple question, that has completely re-envisioned my outlook on life. I know that sounds completely cliché, but it’s the truth. When you look at the big picture, our time here is very limited. Why spend the majority of it wondering and worrying? I guess this is all a fancy way of saying, quit worrying! Things always work out in the end; if it’s not ok, it’s not the end.
naturallycourtney 